Taking a Step Back

“…the experience of beauty, beauty that is authentic, not merely transient or artificial, is by no means a supplementary or secondary factor in our search for meaning and happiness; the experience of beauty does not remove us from reality, on the contrary, it leads to a direct encounter with the daily reality of our lives, liberating it from darkness, transfiguring it, making it radiant and beautiful.” 

~ Pope Benedict XVI 

Though not initially obvious this painting is only a portion of a larger, more colorful, and more beautiful work of art. Zoomed in, it may be difficult to appreciate the painting for what it is. Shades of green and black mix with white dots to create an unknown form indiscernible and hardly attractive to the naked eye. Of course, zooming in to a work of art may reveal one’s complex artistic technique, individual brush strokes, hidden details, intricate use of layering and texture, and seamless blending or distinct separation of colors. However, the beauty of the details, the elaborate intricacies, may only catch the eye of an experienced virtuoso or nascent artist. 

More often, however, it is in taking a step back from a work of art that one is able to see the collective details take form and witness the artistic masterpiece’s unparalleled beauty. It is in this “bigger picture” view that one can visualize and understand the interplay between all its various parts. It is in the painting’s wholeness that its simplicity is made most evident. And it is in its overall impression that one is invited to take a closer look at its inner workings. 

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Though I am not a painter, I imagine it is sometimes easy to get lost or hung up on the fine details and minor imperfections: the misdirected brush strokes, the failure to achieve a specific color blend, the crooked lines and shapes, the unintended smudges. Similarly, in life, it is often easy to focus on the daily mishaps and imperfections, the seemingly disconnected realities, unexpected occurrences, and undesired outcomes that appear to paint an unflattering picture of life. But in taking a step back and seeing life’s painting through the lens of Our Creator, ultimately what remains in the eyes of its beholder is an experience of authentic, radiant beauty. 

Prior to my return to the United States for vacation, I was blessed with the opportunity to go on a spiritual retreat about an hour outside of Lima. During this week of reflection I was able to “take a step back” from my daily life and routine in Santa Clotilde and see God’s beautiful masterpiece of the last eighteen months unfold before me… 

In the black I see darkness. I am reminded of the darkness experienced by those with whom I have shared the past year and a half. Material poverty grips tightly to its victims, subjecting them to preventable illness and a constant struggle to survive. Advanced disease consumes its vulnerable hosts, sometimes to the point of premature death. Violence and abuse lock their subjects into a traumatic cycle of indifference. Injustice and corruption reap the fruits of desperation and resentment. And selfishness inflicts on its prey the deep-seated feelings of fear, abandonment and loneliness. By itself the black is dark, austere, uninviting, lifeless, without purpose.

Yet even these dark spaces are illuminated with bright white dots. Transformed, the darkness in the painting takes on a new light- its purpose to accentuate the brightness that surrounds it. I am reminded of the bright light I have encountered during my time in Santa Clotilde. The mother who cares selflessly for her daughter living with permanent disability, a living example of ultimate self-giving. The Franciscan friars and religious sisters who visit the neglected and abandoned home-bound, providing for them a sense of belonging to a more beautiful reality larger than any earthly companion. The man with Down Syndrome who, given the chance to live out his inherent dignity, brings joy and humility to all those who cross his path. The courageous boat driver and nurse who navigate a dangerous river in the darkness of the night, risking their own lives to save that of another. The darkness, penetrated by the light, is now transformed into that which is purposeful and life-giving.

In the blue and green I see tranquility, a life of beautiful simplicity and symbiotic relationship between human persons and nature. I am reminded of the indigenous communities with whom we live who understand their dependence on nature’s gifts and are responsible stewards of Creation. I am reminded of the protective network of vast, winding rivers, the lush, green landscape scattered with a soothing blanket of trees and flowers, and the captivating diversity of birds and animals that grace us with their presence in the depths of the Amazon rainforest. Time passes at an unhurried pace with minimal distraction that fosters connection, wonder, and reflection. One’s will to live instead of one’s will to control leads to the acceptance and realization of our human limits and our reliance on the divine. True peace, I’ve learned, is a product of gratitude and acceptance.

In the yellow I see joy. The joy of a mother whose child once suffering from a brain tumor now is cancer-free and living out his childhood. The joy of a new doctor who, in learning a few procedures for the first time, feels prepared and confident to work alone in an extremely isolated and under-resourced area. The joy of an elderly couple in their eighties, who after a lifetime of spousal union decides to fully welcome God into their marriage in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. And the joy of a group of children and adolescents who, often suffering from feelings of low self-esteem and abandonment in their family, find a sense of belonging and self-worth in a humble, supportive Church community. This true joy, I now understand, is found within reality itself and not outside of it.

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In gazing upon the painting of life- in searching for meaning and joy in this artistic encounter with reality- I see eternal, radiant beauty unfold before my eyes. In taking a step back, the confusion, the darkness, the blemishes and the imperfections are overcome with clarity, light, and magnificence. The challenge in life is two-fold: to relinquish control of the paintbrush and avoid the temptation to paint one’s own story and to take a step back to see the painting through His eyes and not one’s own. In an authentic experience of beauty that can only be designed, created, and made manifest by the Master Artist himself, truth and joy are found.